alcoholism

i realized awhile ago that i have a drinking problem. so i'm smack dab in the middle of a drinking hiatus. what bothers me is that i know now i was drinking out of sheer boredom. the state of being drunk made boring people interesting, easier to connect with somehow. inebriation made those awkward parties turn into fun times. all of the people i would normally avoid talking to became close buddies, if not only for the time being. so now here i am, sober as hell on a friday night and i find myself in bed alone after just finishing when harry met sally.

here's my predicament: do i stay home and stay sober, although it's boring as hell, or do i go out and fool my brain into thinking that i'm having a good time? is it my own character flaw that most people are uninteresting enough that i only enjoy being around them when i've had a few drinks?

i do admit, staying away from alcohol these past few weeks has led to feeling great in the morning. i still have money left over to pay my bills and feed myself. i also haven't made a foolish ass of myself recently.

but god damn it! i would really love to drink an entire bottle of red wine.